How does it feel?

How does it feel . . .

. . . to be the unaccepted, unloved, unwanted because of who I am?

. . . to be neglected, pushed to the edge of the circle of my families and friends?

. . . to be ignored, scorned, labelled and boxed in?

. . . to be rejected because I (instead of “you”) choose to be different and on the outside, outside of the norm, outside of orthodoxy, outside of popular opinion?

George Floyd’s last whisper and profound words were, “I can’t breathe.”

Oh my God!  That’s how it feels…suffocating, a slow death when I am unloved, unwanted, ignored, scorned, labelled, boxed-in and rejected.

“I feel like I can’t breathe” were the responsive words of the gay man whose family has scorned, rejected and ostracized him. “I can’t breathe”…the life-giving oxygen of community and friends is stolen.  I can’t become the best version of myself.

Who are the people in my life who can’t breathe? Who are the persons I’m suffocating with my prejudice, bias, religious or ideological beliefs? Pope Francis’ heart is full of pain. He witnesses too many in the church and outside the church. He touches them because they can’t breathe. God’s hands become Francis’ hands to free them to say, “Now, I can breathe again.”

Can I do the same to free them? Let them breath again. Breathe God’s breath.

What part of me am I suffocating, keeping silent, keeping secret, keeping private, keeping hidden, preventing God’s breath from giving me life?

I need to free it. Let it go and let God’s breath flow freely again in me.

“Pray as you can and do not try to pray as you can’t. Take yourself as you find yourself; start from that”

(Dom Chapman)